Story 4

Affected by depression following relationship problems, this postgrad student has found anti-depressants very helpful...

Starting postgrad difficult

Starting my PhD was a difficult ride. I moved to a new university where I knew nobody and left a lot of friends behind. I also split up with my boyfriend around this time, but we've remained good friends. About halfway through my first year, I met a really nice guy who was a friend of a friend and we clicked right away. I'm not sure if I believe in love at first sight, but this wasn't far off. Over the next few months we saw a lot of each other and I thought I'd found Mr Right at last.

Problems with new boyfriend

Suddenly, he started avoiding spending time with me, ignoring me, changing plans last minute and making increasingly elaborate excuses not to see me, but then I'd see him out with other people, which just made me paranoid. Eventually I managed to confront him and it transpired he was getting cold feet because none of his friends or family knew that he was bisexual but he promised me I just needed to give him time. Time passed, and I waited...and waited...and got more and more paranoid about why he was avoiding me and about all the girls I kept seeing him flirting with.

Lower and lower mood

My mood got lower and lower and I found myself pre-occupied with thoughts about him 24/7. I couldn't sleep but I was tired all the time. I didn't want to eat but then I'd gorge myself on comfort food. I couldn't face going to my lab every day, but then I'd feel guilty for not doing work. I was stuck in a cycle of dark moods and was considering moving away and quitting my PhD.

Paranoid, needy, couldn't focus

The straw which broke the camel's back was when I found out he'd been sleeping with one of my female friends and that a lot of things he'd been telling me were lies. I sank into even worse moods and just couldn't focus on anything - spending every day watching DVDs and crying and making huge mountains out of molehills. I was paranoid and over-analysing everything and getting increasingly needy and got very clingy towards certain friends.

Saw GP for anxiety

I twigged before he slept with my friend that something wasn't right with my state of mind and I saw my GP and told her I thought I was suffering from anxiety following our relationship problems and asked for Diazepam. It worked quite well, short term, and gave me back a lot of confidence and helped me to sleep, but the second I stopped taking it, I sank back into bad moods and sleepless nights.

Realising I had classic depression symptoms

Time went on and I was in a bookshop and stumbled on a book about getting over your ex. I tried lots of things like re-arranging the furniture in my flat, changing my daily routine, eating breakfast (which was something I'd never normally done), buying new pictures for my flat and buying new clothes. This did make a difference to the way I'd been thinking - I guess it helped break all the negative cycles. At this point, I started to realise I had all the classical symptoms of depression and I felt like such an idiot for not having realised months before!

Anti-depressants

I went to see the GP and explained everything and she asked me what approach I wanted to try (counselling, medication, CBT etc). I opted for trying anti-depressants, as I felt that I was aware of what had made me depressed, and why, but I just needed something to make me see things more clearly. I started taking 20mg of Fluoxitine each day, which made a difference within a month! I've now been taking it for 4 months and feel much, much better.

Side effects worth it!

My ex and I are now able to see each other socially with friends without me feeling like I'm going to burst into tears or without me hating him. I've just started a new relationship, so things seem to have moved forward very well. I'm intent on staying on the medication for at least 6 months then coming off very, very slowly - it'll probably take a full year in all. There are a few side-effects (lack of sex-drive, tiredness and some aches and pains) but most of those were gone after the first few months - they were definitely worth it!