Story 5

A tendency towards perfectionism has been enough to set off episodes of depression for this final year medical student...

The trouble with perfectionism...

I am a final year medical student and have struggled with episodes of depression since my first year. I come from a loving supportive home, had a happy childhood and did very well at school. Apart from having a more introspective perfectionist personality, I have not been able to find a reason for my depression. I have found that anti-depressants have lifted me out of depressive periods but when I am better I feel ashamed about taking them and tend to stop and then relapse.

Suicidal

During my first and second year I was quite distressed and suicidal and in my second year I was admitted to an acute psychiatric unit after making several suicide attempts. I got better after about 6 months and stayed on anti-depressants for about 1½ years. However, I have had to take them again since then.

Still struggle with it

When you're depressed you see no hope and wonder how things are ever going to work out. I still find depression difficult to handle and struggle with it greatly, but I have managed to get through uni and am due to get married in July.

What's helped

On the outside I look fine, but I just want to give some encouragement to say that you never know what other people are struggling with and depression is very common. For me personally I found that medication worked but I think that nearly everyone should try CBT or counselling too, even though it's much harder to get.